I will die if light touches me.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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