Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
