if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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