Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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