also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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