yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
