Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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