Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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