went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
