he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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