it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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