He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
