4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
