This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
