So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
