I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
