And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
