Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
