like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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