Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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