Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
