Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
