My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
