i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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