Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
