Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
