He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
