I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
