I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
