piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
