Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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