woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
