am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
