I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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