i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
