she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
