How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
