this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
