Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When are your genitals available?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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