so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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