grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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