no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just had sex bonerless
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
