Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
