My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
