Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
