They should really pass out barf bags in church
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
