i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
