Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were trust falling into bushes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
