My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
