Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
