i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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