kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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