My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
