where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
