69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
