I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
