i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
