i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just had sex on a roof
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
