I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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