'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
