apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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