Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
