I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
