If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why are your pants in the freezer?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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