im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
