Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
