I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
